


Scars

by Doctor_Discord



Series: The Ego Manor [84]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jackie is a Good Friend, Reveal, Sad with a Happy Ending, Scars, Silver is a Sad Boi, Talking, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-18 11:36:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19333747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doctor_Discord/pseuds/Doctor_Discord
Summary: Silver manages to gather the courage to tell Jackie what he did, and - more importantly -showhim.





	Scars

**Author's Note:**

> *W A R N I N G*
> 
> This story is literally all about Silver's scars! So pretty self-explanatory that it contains heavy reference and outright discussion of his self-harm! You have been warned!

Silver was sitting on the roof of one of the tallest buildings in the city, his legs dangling over the edge as he surveyed what he swore to protect with a bird’s eye view. It was a beautiful cloudless day, the sun high in the sky, and Silver let out a small sigh, picking at his costume. It was first time he’s worn it since…well, since –

“Hey.”

Silver jumped, glancing over his shoulder as Jackie sat down next him before looking back to the horizon. He could feel Jackie’s burning gaze on him, but he refused to look at him, glancing down and picking at his costume once more. He flinched when Jackie spoke, uncharacteristically quiet. “I got your message. What did you want t’talk about?”

Silver swallowed harshly. He wasn’t ready for this, he was absolutely _not_ ready for this, but he _needed_ to, for both him _and_ Jackie. “Um, less talk and more _show_ , actually, but uh…” Unconsciously, he began to rub his left arm, turning his head away.

Jackie placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay, we can ease into this.” He cleared his throat. “H-how are Dark and Wilford doin’? Are they back yet?”

Silver shook his head. “No, they won’t get back till Sunday. They ended up in some resort by the ocean. You know, I don’t think Dark has ever _fully_ relaxed and let his guard down in his entire life, so Wilford’s probably making sure he’s pampered as shit.” He laughed. “Dark called like every hour for the first couple days, to check up on us and make sure we haven’t destroyed anything. But he hasn’t called since like Monday. We heard Wilford saying something in the background last time he did, and I’m pretty sure he chucked Dark’s phone into the ocean, so that’s a thing.”

Jackie snorted, not even attempting to stifle his laughter, and Silver relaxed marginally, his shoulders dropping a bit, but tension still ran through every inch of his body as he squeezed his arm. Jackie leaned forward a little, trying to catch Silver’s eyes, but he refused, determinedly bowing his head. “Silver…? What’s…what did you want t’show me?”

Silver shrunk, curling his knees up to his chest and resting his feet on the edge of the building. His voice was impossibly small. “Do…do you remember what I told you at the wedding?”

Jackie tensed before nodding slowly. “You…said you hurt yourself. That that’s why you’ve been off the grid these past couple months. That’s not an easy thing t’forget, Silver.” Jackie’s hand slipped from his shoulder, and he let out a strained laugh, grinding the heel of his hand against his forehead. “I don’t – I’ve been tryin’ to wrap my head around that ever since. It’s like my brain refuses t’accept that. It’s…difficult to process, in short.”

Silver at last glanced at Jackie’s face, uncurling slightly. “I…wanted to show you. I-if that’s alright.”

Jackie’s eyes shot wide, but he nodded. “Okay.” He nodded again, more to himself than anything. “Okay. If you really want to…”

With shaking hands, Silver pulled off his gloves, setting them down on the roof behind him. Glancing at Jackie one more time, he hurriedly pushed up his sleeves all they way to his elbows. He bared his arms to Jackie, blatantly on display, as he squeezed his eyes shut, turning his head away.

He heard Jackie’s horrified gasp, and there was a moment of pure silence. And then Jackie was ghosting his fingers down his left arm – the _worse_ arm – and Silver flinched, unable to stop the small noise that escaped him, and Jackie yanked his hand back “Sorry! I didn’t – Jesus _fuck_ , Silver.”

Silver just screwed his eyes shut tighter, beginning to shake. He didn’t need to open his eyes to see why Jackie was so horrified. He knew _exactly_ what he looked like. He’s stared for _hours_ , every night, for the past two months, at first the bandages, then the scabbing wounds, and now the scars that littered his arms. The underside of his left arm was _covered_ in them, covered in pale lines that criss-crossed his skin like an impossible maze. Some of them were raised and puffy, standing out harshly, while others were hardly visible, growing more faded as time went on. His right underside wasn’t as… _packed_ , but every single scar there was raised and jagged, his hand shaking so bad by the time the knife reached it that he’d cut deeper than intended.

He opened his eyes, surprise coursing through him, when he heard Jackie sob. He turned his head to face him with wide eyes, drawing his arms in slightly. “Jackie…?”

Jackie just shook his head, one hand covering his mouth, but he dropped it in order to speak. “When I talked to you, on your birthday…you were actin’ so _weird_ and they way you were talkin’…I-I-I had an idea. I just… _really_ hoped that I was wrong.” He turned to Silver, expression so incredibly _heartbroken_ that it made Silver’s chest ache. “S-so…that day, when I sent you home…y-you went and did _this?_ ” Silver nodded hesitantly, not trusting himself to speak, and Jackie let out another loud sob, one hand shoving his hood back and fisting in his hair.

Silver opened his mouth, closed it, and tried again. “I bled out all night long,” he mumbled, staring at the city streets below. _God_ , it was so _far_ – “If the Jims hadn’t barged into my room, I…I would’ve died.”

Jackie made a choked noise, tears freely pouring down his face. His eyes scanned Silver’s face, and it was times like these Silver was _really_ thankful he wore a mask. “You –” Jackie’s voice cracked. “You never told me _why_.” He was bordering hyperventilation, something akin to desperation shining in his eyes. “Why would you _do_ this t’yourself, Silver?”

Silver had yet to look up from the street so very far below them. “I was desperate,” he finally said, shoulders slumping. “I was depressed, I was tired of feeling empty and _numb_ , and…it helped. It…distracted me from it all, if only for a moment. And I still _am_ depressed, still feel numb, sometimes, at least. Dr. Iplier’s been trying to find me a therapist since it happened, but he’s having a hard time tracking down a good one. The ones at the hospital weren’t as…‘qualified’ as he had thought.”

Jackie gave another strained laugh, this one a little more genuine. “I can imagine.” He paused, swallowing thickly, before turning back to Silver. “Just t’make sure…you weren’t…you weren’t _tryin’_ t’die, right? That wasn’t your intention?”

Instantly Silver shook his head rapidly. “ _No_. No, _God_ no, I had and _have_ no desire to die. It was just – I couldn’t stop myself. And then my head was swimming and I was collapsing and then it was morning and the Jims and Dr. Iplier –” He drew a shuddering breath. “I’ll _never_ forget the look on Dark’s face. I’ve only ever seen him cry twice before, and both involved Wilford being in danger. Not…not one of us. I…”

He trailed off, a quiet sob escaping him, and it was like a chain reaction because suddenly he _couldn’t stop_. He buried his face between his knees, wrapping his arms around his legs as he trembled violently. He tensed, breath hitching, when warm arms surrounded him, and then Jackie was pulling him into a tight hug, grounding him. “It’s okay, Silver. And if it isn’t now, it will be. I don’t blame you, and I doubt any of the others do, either.”

Silver sighed, sobs dying down, and he pulled back. Jackie let go of him, and he shifted slightly, running a finger over his scars. “You know, the Host offered to get rid of them. The scars. Apparently he can do that, and oddly enough it was King who vouched for him. But…I turned him down. I still don’t know why. I’m sure he would be more than happy to do it if I asked him, but I don’t…want him to. And I don’t understand _why_.”

Jackie simply shrugged, placing a hand on his shoulder again. “I don’t know. I really don’t know, but…you know you can talk to me, right? If you ever feel…just call me.”

Silver nodded absently, sniffing. “Yeah, okay.” He drew in a quick, sudden breath, and then he was pulling his sleeves down and slipping his gloves back on. He stood, floating a few inches from the edge of the building. “Let’s go fight some crime. I’ve…honestly been looking forward to this.”

He tried for a smile, but Jackie still just looked overwhelmingly concerned as he followed Silver’s lead. “Are you sure? You don’t have to, not after…all that.”

Silver smiled again, a little less forced and a little more genuine. “I’m sure. I’ll be fine!” An old, mischievous twinkle returned to his eyes. “Bet you ten bucks someone’s robbing the nearest bank.”

Jackie grinned, jumping into the air, and Silver let out a small sigh of relief as their usual dynamic washed over him. “You’re on!”

**Author's Note:**

>  _Silver is such a good boi he doesn't deserve this I promise I'll fix him eventually I swear but like_  
>  Anyway, as Silver said, Dark and Wil are coming home Sunday! It's a short story, but it reveals some _things!_ ;) ;) ;)


End file.
